Finding Balance….. And Self Acceptance

It’s been a minute. Much longer than a minute, actually. To be quite honest I’m a little unsure on where to even start. Eventually I will write a catch up of my life, but for now I just want to address the thing I have overcome: The Comparison Trap.

The last time I was on here was the beginning of 2018 and honestly, I thought I had my shit together; finishing school, working a part time day job, a part time serving job and coaching the 8th grade volleyball team. Honestly, looking back I was barely getting by and on the verge of a mental breakdown. All I can say is damn, hard work pays off and God notices the people who genuinely try to become better people despite challenges and fears.

I’m sitting here now at my new full time job, in my OWN office and honestly can say everything I have gone through to this point, that shit was worth it. Every struggle I have faced, every late night I put in serving, just to wake up and be at the office a few hours later, worth it. Every minute I put in the gym with my girls even when I was no where close to in the mood, worth it and rewarding, because I now have my dream coaching job, the Head Varsity Volleyball Coach at Flat Rock.

So as I sit here in my nice comfy chair, in my OWN office (Sorry, it’s just really cool and I’ve never had one before.) reflecting, I can’t help but smile, feel fulfilled and brag. But damnit, I get to. I silently worked my ass off to get where I am and for the longest time, I doubted I would ever get here. It’s a strange time we live in with social media, we are almost forced to compare ourselves to others. I crippled myself for so long, spending time scrolling through my Instagram and Facebook feeds, watching my friends getting engaged and married, seeing people I met at serving jobs move on and leave us behind, seeing people I graduated high school with and even people who graduated high school after me, graduate college before me and get full time jobs.

I was in such a bad mental state; feeling like a complete failure. I know people only show us what they want us to see on social media but damn, I’m only human and it’s really hard to drag yourself out of depression when you constantly feel like a failure.(Really honest post on my mental health struggles coming soon.) Searching for acceptance through how many followers you have and how many likes you are getting is only going to keep you satisfied for so long. At what point do you stop trying to come up with ridiculous hashtags so random followers will find you and like your posts? I’m not better than anyone else by any means but for me, ‘likes’ only made me happy for so long.

To anyone going through anything like that, let me tell you, YOUR TIME WILL COME. You truly can do anything you set your mind to, if you’re willing to work hard enough for it. You move at your own damn pace and don’t let anyone’s ideas of where you SHOULD be hinder your growth or make you think you’re a failure. Your worth is not decided by how many followers you have on Instagram or how many people like your Facebook posts.

A year ago I told myself I would write on my blog more and the honest truth is I never felt good enough about myself or the things I was doing to write about it. Being honest with yourself and finding a sense of self acceptance is harder than you think and something I am still working on every single day. I challenge myself everyday to do something that makes me face my anxiety and conquer it. A month ago it was forcing myself to walk into an interview for a job I never thought I could get. And here I am, in MY office (Okay, sorry, last time I swear.) in a place where I never thought I could get to. I know this is something that more people than just me suffer from and I’m here to tell you it’s okay. If you ever need a cheerleader in your corner or someone to tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, ya girl is right here because damn, I needed it and I know someone out there does too.

I swear I have more exciting things going on in my life other than my new job, I look forward to sharing my journey to get to this point and my new adventures with you guys and appreciate you guys taking the time to read. Stay tuned as I attempt to find balance in all aspects of my life.